Yes. That girl in the bright pink north face is me. Yes it took me 2 minutes to jump. Yes I cropped it to look a little under 2 minutes. No I am not a dare devil. Fear is my BFF.
When I was little, I used to hide under the covers with my neighbor, clenching with fear as we watched Nickelodeon’s Are You Afraid of The Dark. [Scarred for life] I’ll never forget the episode portraying a very real vampire endangering the students. Gosh those kids around the campfire always made it seem so real.
I attribute my love for scary movies to the nights spent in front of the box-like-TV with my childhood sister-friend Abby, pretending we were allowed to watch Are You Afraid of The Dark. Sitting underneath old quilted comforters with LAYS potato chips is one of the earliest memories I have of [experiencing fear]; the child-like feeling where you cover one eye, and hide under linens to protect you from the evil outside.
[Seventeen years later] fear now exists for me in many forms; fear of getting a job, fear of not getting a job; fear of life after college; fear of hand stand pushups, Tequila, 5:30 AM wake ups and Topanga and Corey staying together forever (please, sigh); Fear shows up in Skype interviews, listening to potential job voicemails and getting a flat tire at work [mostly because I don’t know how to change one, sorry Dad]. I could probably make endless lists of the 2015 Vampires that haunt me. I kind of miss that Nickelodeon Vampire [We would probably be good friends now].
There is something stagnant and almost [evil] that exists in fear. If you have ever taken a college health class, you know that a healthy dose of fear, or sometimes referred to as anxiety, keeps you from playing real life frogger and crossing the street with tractor trailers zooming past; or fear that makes you write that stupid paper even though you don’t want to. AND MAYBE if you’re like me, your parents convince you that you are supposed to have a healthy fear of them as well…[But stagnant fear] and anxiety is not only refusing to play real life frogger, but it keeps you from ever crossing the street, even when there are no cars.
You deserve to be fearless. You deserve to look at what terrifies you most and overcome it, jump it or dance with it.
You deserve to play real life frogger [in a small town with no traffic]. So how do you get from point A to point B? From crippling fear, sitting around Nickelodeon’s campfire—to overcoming and locking that Vampire up?
I thought the answer would be more clear if I could find out [what the opposite of fear was]. One would probably guess, the opposite was overcoming, right?
Wrong.
Or at least according to me. I think fear is complex, and getting to the root cause is more like solving an equation. I mean if choosing the opposite of fear was as easy as knowing its counterpart, then why are so many of us scared?
[So, let’s break it down]
*Disclaimer: Fear of failure; there is no failing. Failure is a label assigned to an outcome that was not predicted, or originally desired. 3 of the 7 thesis hypotheses i proposed, “failed,” producing the opposite I assumed. Failed research is incredibly relevant to further discussion and future examination; Dr. Thesis Professor stated that failed hypotheses often provide more opportunity for growth then those that pass…and he has a doctorate…[just saying].
1. First, get comfortable with calling fear out on the carpet, for its shameful ways. In order to even begin getting passed what scares you, what cripples you, you have to call fear’s bluff.
2. Once you recognize, mentally, that what you fear is not real (and don’t expect this to work on your first try, practice makes perfect after all) FIND THAT SPARK to take some action. Get busy. Join Crossfit. Go to the local pub and get nachos with friends. No one overcame fears sitting underneath a comforter with a bag of Lays potato chips.
3. Give Fear a face, and don’t be surprised if you find that face staring back at you in the mirror.
4. [Break down] your what if statements; the zillion reasons your brain tells you not to do something because of the outcome. BUT BE FAIR, SVU lawyer style. For every negative fear, provide the [opposite positive]. FEAR FEEDS ON THE UNKNOWN, so tell all. Leave no stone un-turned.
5. A head full of fears has no space for dreams…and Disney would not be about that life…Who wants to disappoint Disney?
[Courage is the sum you get when you eliminate fear]
6. Lastly, but most importantly, once you have let your type A, fearful self, settle the negative/positive outcomes, uncover the what ifs, false feelings and an active attitude adjustment, YOU MUST WANT IT.
I cannot stress enough how important this step is. Once you choose fear over what you want and love, you let fear win [You forfeit the loss]. You choose to honor fear over your heart.
What does that look like? Honoring fear over courage, passion and hope? The idea is basically that you would rather live in your fearful stomach ache then go after what you want. How sad is that? I’ll answer for you [SAD].
How terrifying is it, that a feeling exists within us to keep us from living a life of fulfilling experiences and people we care about. How even more frightening that we often choose that feeling over the latter. Not to sound contradicting, but if you are going to fear anything, fear being beat by fear. Fear the outcome of not leveling with fear. Be so terrified of a poison controlling your life, that you choose to be active and fly.
Equation: -false evidence + activity + a face – negative reaction + positive outcomes + dreams +Want it +Want it +Want It x WANT IT A MILLION = Hope; which is greater than equal to overcoming fear.
Easier said than done? Evidence? Sure.
Watch my pink north face, brunette self, jump off a cliff again…
(Real Footage of Interlaken, Switzerland)
February 2014. Switzerland. Or as I would like to refer to it, that place just north of Who-ville. I made it to the top of the mountain where the Grinch always stood hating the whos. Since then, I’m a little blonder, a little wiser and have kept my jumping conducive of 20 inch boxes at crossfit.
I spent the entire first month abroad, trying to persuade my new friends that when we traveled to Switzerland, we had to bungee from a cliff. I had seen an instagram of a friend do it when she traveled and I was smitten. The natives referred to it as Canyon Jumping. There are only two places in the world where people can do this; Switzerland and New Zealand. This is because mathematically, the Canyons provide a perfect circumference and distance, so that one can leap to their death, without smacking into the frozen tundra of death-rock. Obviously, I won them over with that…
By the time we traveled to Switzerland, and swiped our VISAs, I sent my mom a message telling her I loved her and that I signed my life away, to jump off the mountain with a cord, with a regular old hipster and a few close friends. You see, my brother was away in Afghanistan and had skydived earlier this year. I decided my mother did not have enough to worry about, with two kids abroad; one being in a war zone, while the other flitting around and jumping off big rocks.
After carsickness, hiking the snow covered mountain in Nike sneakers, putting on 4 pairs of pants and videoing the idiots who jumped in their patriotic underwear, it was time for me to fulfill my smitten destiny. I Tori, the girl who plays it safe, wears high neck lines to the bar and struggles with “sexy,” was going to prove to them all. For one day, I was not conservative…I got to be that girl that did the unthinkable, the girl who took the road less traveled. Somehow the instagram video that I had played over and over to mentally prepare and visualize survival, was different then actually attaching myself to the rope, with my weight in kilograms written on my hand in sharpie.
The man in the green jacket, with the funny accent handed me a bottle of courage (AKA my last drink before death), however I refrained considering I could only imagine instant projectile vomit (fear+alcohol=worst mixed drink ever, thanks Switzerland Bartender). He mimicked my snorting as I climbed on the platform. I’m not sure how entirely sober the man in the green jacket was, but he assured me I would not die. AND I ASSURED HIM THAT I HAD LITTLE HANDS and therefore I needed to take plenty of time to ensure my gloves were on just right before jumping. After two minutes of glove prepping and 7 seconds of annoying green jacket man, I leaped off the edge in a squat like, crossfit position (which you are advised not to do, because the cord will wrap around your neck).
[For 10 seconds, I got to say what if I fly].
No words can really describe willingingly jumping, flying and then ultimately enjoying that leap. So I’ll just borrow some from [Florence and the Machine].
“And the arms of the ocean are carrying me
And all this devotion was rushing out of me
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me
But the arms of the ocean delivered me.”
That feeling of letting go and falling into the abyss, felt like jumping off the high dive. My stomach was in my chest, and my little hands were breaking in anticipation. The ocean (or in this case the Grinch’s mountain) opened its arms to me, ensuring my safety.
I flew up the side of the canyon, and after the initial fear left my body I felt like I was on a giant swing in one of the most beautiful places in the entire world. I was hundred of Euros broke-r, but fearlessly richer. Then the other hipster man casted out his shephard’s staff (not kidding, it was huge) and roped me back in. As he reached for my hand, I was laughing and crying. He said to me, “Now that is how you are supposed to live your life.”
In the scary times that lie ahead, I try to remember that they are only scary because those who already faced their real world right of passage suggest that it is. It is what I like to call “real life hazing.” Those before us, tell us to be afraid, so they inherently pass the fear on to us youngins. But if there is one thing I must constantly remind myself and you should as well, it is this:
[Be brave tor tor leigh, the canyon awaits]
Not every day, will I have to jump off a canyon, but the feeling of staring over the edge is always the same. Whether you are that donkey on the edge, or standing in front of your class presenting your thesis, FEAR wears a different mask with the same soul (just no man in the green jacket). This should tell you a little something about fear. Its size and influence is as great or as small as you make it. A good friend once told me, you can hold a glass of water forever, with the same amount of water…[No more, no less]. However, the longer you hold it, the heavier it becomes. Drop your glass of water, because there is no use crying over spilled milk. Let go, jump off a canyon and pass that final exam. Check fear at the door, cause he ain’t on the guest list to my grad party.
So… Are You Afraid of the Dark?
If your answer is yes…then gosh darn it turn the light on.
|torileigh
Unnecessarily, Necessary 